Monday, October 19, 2009

ending the debate

a while back I had an unpleasant encounter with an acquaintance. She told me that stay at home moms have the easiest job in the world and we, who are stay at home moms, never have any right to complain. I would like to share my feelings on this never ending debate on stay at home moms vs. working moms.

1. life stinks! some women are working moms but would rather be at home. Some women who are at home would rather be working else where.
2. Whether you work outside the home or in it does not make you a bad or good mom. It is what you do with your time.
3. If you are doing your job right, staying at home with your kids is hard. There is a lot to do both with the kids and maintaining your home. I have young children so I know that most of my work will be destroyed faster than I can fix it. I get to deal with crying and meltdowns and intercept sibling fights, help with homework, play taxi, pay bills, grocery shop, yard work, read to my children, educate them, play with them, monitor what they are eating, sleepless nights.......... and in return no one says thank you Stephanie you did a great job today! here is your paycheck. But I am grateful I can be with home with them even if it means we cannot afford every luxury in life... I realize that this may not always be the case so I am trying to appreciate that I have this opportunity now.
4. I have worked part time(very part time) for several years so I had a glimpse of what it is like to be a working mom and I didn't like it. Trying to make sure you always have a care taker for your children, having to miss work when they are sick, feeling guilty for leaving them, coming home tired and then have to start on the house work and be a mother, it is frustrating and hard

But my point is..... why do we feel the need to be judgemental? No one can say who has it harder. So many things have to be considered, whether you love what you do, how many children you have, their temperaments,disabilities,your own standards of acceptable,financial situation,single parent, absentee parent, support groups, close friends and family..........

Let us as woman just appreciate each other and realize that except for those few individuals, we as mothers are doing our best and doing what we think is best for our families. It may be not what we wanted to do or it may be exactly what we wanted. But either way, it is life so accept it.

Now after than rant I would just like to say I appreciate my children and the opportunity I have to raise them.
Now if you will excuse me, it is Monday and time to clean the toilets. Peace and Love to everyone


cold cocoa said...

I think I would get really mad at that lady. I hope you smacked her down.
I've definitely got my own opinions on staying at home vs working, but unless someone wanted to hear them, I won't be going there. Social rule #1!

Michelle said...

Way to have the same opinion! I am so glad that you have thought it out and made a choice based on all aspects of your life. Some people don't think about their way of life and still have a very strong opinion about it. Good for you.

Effie said...

hear, hear! So true. Glad that you can keep a level head about things and see both sides. Good thing I wasn't in that debate. I'm not known for keeping cool. :)

Evans Family said...


Megz said...

I totally just wrote this huge comment because I can go off on this as well. But that's the whole point, as I see you trying to make too, that we cannot compare our choices to someone else's and then play the 'my life is harder than yours card'. Make your choice, live with it and hopefully you won't feel the need to judge or justify it. Amen.

Diana said...

AMEN. I'm one of those people that absolutely hates that I have to work, but have made that sacrifice so we can continue living in our home with a few simple life pleasures. Luckily I have a job that lets me work at home 3 of the 5 days so that helps. But I do feel the pressure from some people who sacrifice a LOT of luxuries and even some basic living in my opinion to stay home with their children looking at me like I don't care about my child because I'm not home with her 24/7. I'm proud of them for being able to do that, but it's not a possibility for me. I think you nailed it on the head when you said, "It's what you do with your time." MANY stay at home moms rise to the occasion of having that much time available to them and are REALLY engaged with their children and others might as well be working full-time and let the TV be the babysitter. Knowing this fact myself, I take every minute I'm not working to really BE with my daughter and not just co-exist in the same four walls.

Good post and I'm glad to see we are yet again on the same page.

Rhonda Can't Help You said...

Steph....I hope I've never said anything like this to you. It's possible, but I hope I'm more sensitive than that.

That said...I can fully appreciate how hard the job of a stay-at-home mom is. The only thing I will say in defense of those of us who don't understand is that we just don't understand.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone on here either, but I hope that those of you who are mothers, and mostly on the hard days, understand that there are those of us that want more than anything in this world to be a mother, and don't have the chance. It's a little tough at times to hear moms talk about how hard it is to do when that's the ONLY thing in this world that I personally have very little control over.

ANYWAY...I hope this is read in the same spirit in which it was intended. You never know how someone really is feeling/what they're dealing with. Best to be approached with understanding and compassion.

LC said...

I like what you said about how we use our time and not judging. We women are too hard on each other sometimes!
I love being able to stay home.

Alisha Haight said...

Totally agree